Pain by Sherrie Lee

We were cowering in the corner;
Hoping not to be heard.
The sudden noises startled us;
As it broke the gentle air.

Raised voices held so much venom;
It’s poison definitely hurt.
Suddenly a crash sounded;
Then a thud as Mother hit the earth.

Instinctively we knew what it meant;
We knew her body had given out.
Her soul was left suspended in the air;
As her flesh was beaten about.

Tears rolled down our faces;
Uncontrollably at first.
As the silence lingered;
I knew I had to be heard.

I broke free from my siblings;
Venturing slowly into the hall.
Saw a shadow storm into the kitchen;
Where another cold one was in store.

The corridor seemed to elongate;
With a tunnel up ahead.
The light at the end was not salvation;
Only destruction, terror and tears await.

Eventually the end drew nearer;
In my view a sad creature appeared.
Holding her head in her hands;
Black and blue features start to take.

She peers at me through watery eyes;
Raised a hand so I would abate.
She shakes her head as a warning;
Hoping I would retreat during the wake.

I lunge for her with open arms;
Not thinking of the consequences.
At that moment the shadow re-entered the room;
Bellowing a mouth full of abuse and curses.

I held my angel with all my might;
Hoping the devil would not see me.
But he tore me from her arms;
And gave her a rest by starting to beat me.

I had become accustomed to the pain;
Years of numbing to great effect.
Even though I was hurting and felt it;
I refused to cry or show weakness to this beast.

The aftermath was always the worst;
As he tried to bribe us to show false regret.
But the devil always intends to do what he does;
And will soon venture out again.

It’s the disfigurement and the stinging;
I have difficultly to forget.
As I faced a new day changed by swelling;
And the lies I soon embarked on to protect.

But no one really cared;
Their display of concern was bravado.
For what happened behind closed doors;
Was not for people or the community to wonder.

Sherrie Lee

Poem & Artwork 2009 ©

The Black Dog

I lie await most nights to afraid to sleep, as if haunted by an unknown assailant, a large Beast from beyond who lavishes in torturing me with sleep depravity, my body worn out with fighting, worn out, the hounding of this Black Dog does more than deprive me of sleep but of the air I breath. It's relentless attacks on me have weakened my walls I fear what will happen once they break. At night I walk the halls of my house keeping a vigil at every noise is it the Black Dog trying to get in ?? or out ?? I fear, fear it self has taken hold of me, shaking me around like a loose doll and not knowing what to do next with me am I being now discarded like a rag doll or is it just biding time waiting for the right time for the kill.
What has combat done to me?
What if I could go back there would that help?
What is happening, am I angry or sad??
Why did this happen to me, Why me?
What did I do?
What can I do to stop this??

Never the Same PTSD

Life as I knew it was not the same once I came home from combat, the looks the whispers, the shadows the evil eyes some folk would give you, You just feel like yelling out "I was only doing my job". but was/is that enough, will that fix everything and make it better NO, nothing is ever going to be the same, it is like playing in the grand final you work for some times years to get there and finally you make it, with all your mates, and while you are there you ARE Really There, and its a magical High. But once you return it is like returning to another planet, nothing recognisable for a short period, where are all your mates gone, what is happening, lost is that feeling of High. Instead there is a feeling of self preservation, protection, an evil is a watching over you waiting for you to slip up, ready to pounce at an instant. Your over protection goes a little beyond whats right, and this is where the light comes on , whats happening to me whats going on, why can't I switch it off as easily as i switched it on. The mind is on High Alert while the body says " hey whats happening " and the two are yours but seem to work by different commands. Welcome to the world of PTSD suffers this is my nightmare as I have lived with this for 9 years since Discharged from the ADF on as you would expect medical grounds. I could not even stand the sight of anyone in a Army uniform at the early stages, also going out was a big no no as I was always watching everyone it just got to hard -so I didn't and as time went on things with a little help from my regular visits to my GP and other specialist I have gone on to lead a semi recluse life style, I do volunteer work and some other minor work at home, yes I still have vivid nightmares, flashbacks and other scary stuff happens to me, but my support team helps to maintain a lid on most of my problems.....

Our Sponsors